I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
