I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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