Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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