I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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