I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Just puked most of my soul out..
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
