yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
