You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
