This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
