On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Randomize
