i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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