is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
