So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
The uberlube is also flammable
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
