I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
