so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
