You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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