That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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