just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
