OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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