she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
