someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
i think im in europe. pls send help
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
