I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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