When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
