Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
