dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
