Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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