No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
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