you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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