captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
