You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
