im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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