I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
