The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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