Plan B is the new Plan A
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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