had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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