4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
