you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
