you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
