there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
