just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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