I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
