did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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