I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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