i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
