Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
