i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i may or may not be watching the land before time
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
