he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
