Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
