brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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