I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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