what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
