Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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