This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Randomize
