I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
