Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
tonight lets celebrate not being married
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
