dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
