i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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